Can't You See You're Everything to Me?
by Spirited Heart
Summary: I can tell you that a few nights I’ve had to battle my urges, while what I wanted to do was push you against a wall or a tree or *something*, and do horrible, dirty, naughty things to you." Fang battles his urges, until Max gives up battling hers. FAX.


**A/N: Just a little something...maybe a journey into the mind of Fang :D**

**Review please!**

You're cynical and beautiful; you always make a scene.

But there is too much temptation. The sheer _agony_ of being forced to have you so close night after night and day after day. It's the sweetest of tortures, the most brilliant of excruciating dances. I can tell you that a few nights I've had to battle my urges, while what I wanted to do was push you against a wall or a tree or _something_, and do horrible, dirty, naughty things to you.

But I would never do that.

Only in my dreams.

I want to touch you. I want to feel you. I want to rip away your skin and know you from the inside out and tear you apart, piece by delicious piece, just to make sure that you're real. I _know _you're real. I have to. Sometimes I get confused with the Max I see in battle and the Max I see while you're asleep :angelic, quiet, and not caring what people think if you cry. I've been you cry in your sleep. It hurts knowing that I can't comfort you. The thought of never being able to feel your heat against my skin sends a bolt of electric terror up and down my spine.

Oh, no, you're tangible.

At least in a physical way.

Because I know how wrong it is, and I know my boundaries. I may want you, and you know I need you, but we'd break laws both written and not if we dared… if we tried… if somehow, you could feel my ache and came to my rescue.

No.

No, no, no, no.

I cannot, I _will_ not allow myself to think this. Or even to feel this. Even if it were within the realm of possibility, even crossing that absurdly technical genital boundary, a golden soul like you wouldn't ever touch a street rat like me. Beyond the thought of morals, I know my place. I know my status. I know my _level_. And it hurts to say this, but I know that place is not with you. It couldn't ever be. Because you're simply more than I could ever hope to achieve.

_Don't You know you're everything to me?!_

_I want to scream at you. Maybe then you'll notice how much I want you to be mine._

You've pulled me from my own hole, silently and unknowingly as usual. The land rushes by in an earthy blur, sloshed with rain and dyed a darker brown. Back running away from Itex. Again. Being forced to spend almost every second of every day in your company… not being able to run away because the dangers are too great…and you've noticed something's wrong. You've noticed the way I can hardly make eye contact with you (I don't want to lose myself) and I'm becoming avoidant. Well, what would you do?

Wouldn't you do the same, faced with these horrible possibilities?

The air feels like ice against my cheek, and I pull farther away from the rest of the Flock and watch you. I think you're most like yourself when you're flying. You know I'm uncomfortable. And I'm afraid you just might see through it…

I feel you shift closer to me until we're so far away from the rest of the flock that they can no longer hear us.

Did you hear my heart stop? Can you see my lungs suspended in mid-breath?

"Fang, what's wrong?" you ask it so innocently. I bet you don't know that you caused it.

_Please don't let me say something I'll regret… _

My shoulders roll in a hapless shrug as I pull slightly away from you, letting my eyes wander over you in mere curiosity, without the fear of being caught and without the guilty mental aftertaste.

"Nothing," I sputter, "Just tired, I s'pose."

I can tell immediately that you can see through the shit I'm saying. Not like a simpleton couldn't. Usually I'm good at hiding what I feel. Not now, though. I can feel you: you know I'm not telling the truth. And the way your eyes narrow, the way your lips twitch, the way you look so annoyed that you could just slap me and I could just kiss you then let myself go and—

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not l—honest, I'm—"

Your voice is stern, knowing. For some reason, a mental picture of a small boy standing by a cookie jar and his mother looking at him. Like if she'd asked him whether he'd eaten the cookies that were supposed to be for after dinner with those eyes… and the boy denied it although the chocolate was still smeared across his fingers.

"You really think I can't tell by now?" You lean in closer. "Honestly, Fang. You should know yourself—and me—better than that by now."

I should be quivering. I should be afraid for my sanity. I should be praying and screaming and running in circles… but all I can concentrate is the proximity. You're so close. I can see you. I can smell you. I can practically _breathe_ you. My hands feel like they've been pricked with needles, eager to wander over to you. I cast my eyes down, away from your magnets.

Please don't let me get caught in your pull.

"Yeah, I know. But I'm fine, really."

Oh, shit… Oh, oh, oh, please don't do this. You're sucking me into your whirlpool, and I need to stay afloat. Please don't let me lose control, please don't get to close.

You bring me into a passionate kiss and I know that it's already too late.

As much as I struggle, I know in my heart that I don't really mind.


End file.
